Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Peaceful, easy feeling.

Wow, how the tables have turned. I am on such a high this week, I can't even begin to explain it! I HAVE A JOB I HAVE A JOB I HAVE A JOB!!!!! It has been over a month since I had my interview, but after endless nights of praying (and pretty much every free second I had) I got the call I had been hoping for yesterday. From the 28 people they interviewed, I was offered the job!!!!! The timing couldn't be more perfect. My spa is closing on Friday, so I was facing the possibility of not having a full-time job with less than a week to go. I have learned so much about myself in this past month. When I first found out we were closing, it was fear I felt first, then a high amount of stress, then I became more rational and wrote down all of my finances to see what the bare minimum I could make to get by would be, and eventually came the feeling of peace. I had been asked by several friends, "Aren't you stressed?". And my answer was always no, surprisingly not! It was this calm feeling I had even though my life was completely up in the air, and I couldn't even tell you where I would be 2 weeks from the present. Maybe I felt so calm because of the freeing feeling of having no clue what was going on in my life? I didn't feel worried. I weighed my options, after realizing I had options, and that was the biggest lesson I have learned from all of this. Options. Options are good. When you feel like you have no control over your life, give yourself as many options as possible, even if they aren't ideal. I applied for 100's of jobs, many of which I didn't really want, but they would give me options. I researched going back to school, and confessed to family members my fears about that, and they gave me options to combat those fears. I researched the possibility of moving home, which was an option. I added up how many PRN hours I would have to pick up at my part- time job at the Keys of Carolina to pay my monthly bills, and found that to be an option. And finally, after having a few days of sleepless nights and no appetite, I felt ok. I knew I would be just fine. And whatever happened was meant to be, and I could make it work. And it was not until I reached that feeling of peace that things started coming together. I made some amazing new friends, there were some very lovely things happening in my personal life, I won an essay competition in which I wrote about the struggles I was having while quickly approaching unemployment and won a free bid into the Chicago Rock N Roll Half Marathon, and I was offered the job I have been wanting since I graduated college! I won't become rich off of it, but I am working for the county, which allows great government benefits. I am finally IN! It is so hard to break into a job with the county, but once you are in, it opens up so many doors. I am going to gain the experience I haven't been able to for the past 3 years (I have had lots of experience, but not neccesarily in case management), and I am going to learn and grow my professional life. And I can't wait to see what the future holds! I finally feel like my life is back on track after months of struggling with the unknown. I know this feeling won't last forever, and things can go offtrack again in a heartbeat, but, this was the most I had ever struggled (even including my years in athletics!) and I know now I can handle anything life throws my way. If you keep fighting, if you keep burying your head down and getting through it, life has a funny (and oftentimes, ironic) way of working itself out. For all of you who prayed for me, sent me encouraging messages, or just provided me with a listening ear, you don't know how much I needed that support, and I hope one day, if you ever need it, I can provide the same to you.

Sunset on Lake Norman, where I get that beloved "peaceful, easy feeling".

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

hope costs nothing.

"What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise"
Oscar Wilde

Well, all I can say is, I sure as heck hope that's the case in this situation! Obviously it is easier to say that in retrospect, and I'm really looking forward to hopefully applying that to my current situation. Life is insanely crazy right now, but surprisingly, I feel hopeful. I honestly have no clue why. Maybe it's denial, unacceptance, or maybe I just don't care anymore? But I have a feeling it's more than that. For some reason, there is a small thread of hope that I'm clinging on to, and I feel really happy! I didn't expect to feel that way, but I'm obviously not going to deny the feeling! Sorry I've been absent for the better part of a month. It's not really because I've been busy- it's more just waiting for things to pan out and the dust to settle. Not sure that will happen though. So, instead of elaborating, here is a list.

1) Amazing old friends. Michelle came to visit and there is something about the reaffirmation that no matter what, some friendships will NEVER change. Lots of laughs ensued, which was just what I needed.
2) Brent is coming to visit in less than a month, and I miss him so much!
3) Great new people in my life that have popped in in the last month or so.
4) I have the best customers in the world @ Planet Beach and they have been amazing this past month- so helpful and so caring! I know I will stay in touch with a lot of them and that makes me happy.
5)New blonde hair.
6) Watching the kittens grow.
7) Great core group of friends that support me through thick and thin.
8)The ability to laugh through it all.
10)I buy my health insurance myself so nothing other than my paycheck will change in a week.
11) Tax refund- more than expected. Hallelujah!
12)I overpaid my credit card payment for some reason and got a check back. Perfect timing!
13) The weather is perfect.
14) My music collection on my Macbook has now surpassed what was on my stolen laptop. Thank God!

1) I didn't get chosen in the lottery for the NYC marathon. Oh well, on to the next.
2) I will be without a fulltime job in one week. Hmmmm.
3) My half marathon sucked Saturday- 1:38 (7:30 pace). I had been training at 6:30 pace but lost motivation after I got sick and my life took a quick downward spiral. I did get 2nd in my age group and got a fun prize- and I am all about the hardware, so that adds some positiveness (is that a word?) to a sucky race.
4) I know I put this in the positives, but I have 6...SIX....cats. It makes life a bit complicated and sleep limited.
5) No call back yet.
6) My pants are too tight.
7) I'm a tad bit homesick.
8) No matter how in control I try to be in my life, I am not in control. I guess that's a good thing too.
9) I got in a teeny accident and my MSU plate has a crack in it.
10) Cancer. Sucks.

It could be A LOT worse. So that's my list. Here are some recent pics....

Friends for well over 10 years!

I will always love you, Davidson.

Mountains, best friends, and a good dog= perfect day.